Structuring Success For Your Kids

Structuring Success For Your Kids:

We all want our child to be happy, safe and successful. One of our primary goals as parents is to guide our children to success, first in childhood and in preparation for adult pursuits. How do you do so? You seek solid educational programs for your child.

You purchase toys and products that are enjoyable but also educational. You carefully monitor their health and fitness, in the foods you provide and in seeking medical advice when necessary. However, this does not always work out the way you had hoped. Your child simply won’t cooperate with all your good intentions and, at times, you feel discouraged, worried, and frustrated. Is there any formula to guarantee your child’s ultimate success? Yes, but it can’t be bought and it can’t be forced. Sometimes, the harder you try the less successful you may feel. [wp_ad_camp_1]

Think about the old adage about leading a horse to water. You simply can’t make that horse drink any more than you can “make” your child learn, or behave, or apply him or herself, or succeed. Children learn best by example and consistency. So the first step is identifying your own core values and then living by them. Think about this: Do you complain about your job? Do you comment that you can’t wait for the weekend? Do you live for your next vacation? Perhaps your child will come to question whether or not he or she even wants to be “successful.”

Is learning a lifetime passion for you? How do you spend your weekends? At the mall or at a museum? Do you model the behaviour you wish your child will acquire? Parents who read, for example, raise children who like books. Parents who relish a good challenge have children who love to jump in and help.

Sadly, self-esteem is not fairy dust, nor is it sold in large shaker bottles at the mall. Self-esteem is earned through meeting challenges, finding solutions, and creating whatever one can dream up.

Modeling behaviours need to be “just right” however. Sometimes we think we are inspiring our child when we get down on the floor with a set of blocks and build something fantastic or if we buy chapter books and end up reading 90% of the book to the child. Never has it been easier to find great scientific activities, for example, to share with our children, thanks to Pinterest and other sites. But much of what we do ends up being entertainment for the child who, after a while, isn’t even entertained by the performance. Your child has to engage in these activities not just watch them take place. The easiest way to get your child engaged is for you to disengage a bit. Start an activity but then step away – not too far though – and let your child take it over. Reward engagement with a new challenge, not a toy.

Speaking of engagement… are you truly engaged with your child at least for a little while each and every day? Do you really listen? Do you have conversations or simply make comments: “That’s nice… I’m so proud of you… etc. etc.” It’s so important to talk to children, not just at them. If you find yourself starting your comments talking about yourself in the third person, “Mommy likes when you help her,” “Daddy will play with you in a few minutes… ” you may be guilty of disengagement.

Learn how to ask open-ended questions. These require thought and usually whole sentences as responses. Be inspired by the things your child is passionate about. Give your child controlled choices and buy only what you believe will truly spark that inner curiosity and not just whatever is trending at the time.

Doing what’s best isn’t always what’s easiest. But it’s easier when you remember your children love you. They always will, even when you make them so angry they profess to “hate” you. You don’t have to curry favour in your home. You are the only refuge your child has and he or she will come to you for love and support, probably far longer than you can imagine today. If you live your life in an ethical, loving, engaged way your children will too. Apples really don’t fall far from the trees they sprouted from.